partly because we had the space, partly because we’re pretty confident this is going to make us rich, and partly because we know you want more things like this in your life:

yeah. enjoy that.

btw if you’ve been on the site much in the past week you might have noticed that the site occasionally goes nuts/crashes/looks ridic. that’s just me making improvements, thanks for bearing along.

on the subject of improvements: note that you are no longer are required to type your own personal message when you send an eqard. good news for you illiterate types.

also on the way soon: easier page navigation, and multiple recipient functions. go ahead and hold your breath.

anyway, new eqards! more birthdays and oprah makes an appearance. btw, what else would you guys like to see? you can suggest something like this or even something that we might be able to use.

are you following us on twitter yet?

also, if you’re not following us on twitter yet, then it’s time to join us. join us. be one of us, one of us, we accept you, we accept you, one of us, one of us.

it’s twitter.com/qardiology. we dick around there a lot, but also we announce new eqards there first, so if you want to be cooler than all your other friends — follow us.  also, to be cooler than your other friends, you might also want to consider losing weight and being more attractive.

kisses.

PARISAUROLOPHUS

PARILITIAN

PARISAUROLOPHUS manicure sighting

GIBSONTOSAURUS

so, gather, round boys and girls, it’s time for grampa jared’s “inappropriate lap-top story-time.”

actually, it’s not all that inappropriate — so sorry to get you all hot and bothered.  hopefully more hot than bothered.

our massive fanbase keep asking us why we’re doing qardiology.com. i thought i might share our story with you, so that someday you can tell your grandchildren about how the greatest e-card site about gays, jews, and abortions came to be.  of course, you could always just read the “about us” page on our site, but you probably only come to our site for the same reason i read my picture bible every night: the hilarious illustrations.

well, when we were sixteen (which was only a couple of years before we were 18, and two after we were 14, five years from eleven and to twenty-one) we made christmas cards for friends and family.  our first card featured a christmas greeting and swastika, our second was about saddam hussein being violated in prison, another was about ordering an autistic girl for christmas.  there were others.  our friends loved them and our parents were too confused to be concerned.  from then on we’ve wanted to have a real card company together.

finally, just after new year’s this year, kristin called me up and said something to the effect of “you silly faggot, let’s sell some cards and shit. i like hooking up with fat guys and i use my hand to wipe.”  well, we’re both unemployed (we’re both attractive and smart, know someone who’d like to pay us to do work or something like it?) and aren’t likely to raise much start-up capital for this.  well, the internet is mostly free — so eqards it is.

it was actually kristin’s idea to include such distinct gay perspective.  you’ll notice that the site isn’t exclusively gay — our aim was to be inclusive.  lots of sites have ecards with what they call “gay jokes,” but really, those sites only have ecards with jokes about gays.

to illustrate: if we were talkin’ ’bout jews here, a joke about jews might be the popular “what do you call a jewish baker?” joke, or something about being cheap.

but a real jewish joke would go something like this “so i said to the schlump ‘ oy vey! my glumpkins gelt got ferclemped by that goy schmeckl at my bris!’ kosher rabbi yammacha dreidel!”

…or something — i don’t know, i’m not jewish. but you get the idea – a real jewish joke is a joke that’s funny to jews in particular.

also, gays are the most industrious, marketable, wealthy, and lucrative people in the world.  we want them on our site along with all you breeders.

so, now you know.

btw, the punchline is “a nazi.”

thanks to all of you who are sending in suggestions and tips about our site.  we’re still pretty new at this, but finally both of us are unemployed, so we can really start to devote more time to this hugely profitable endeavor while we collect unemployment checks you pay for with your taxes (thanks).  please keep spreading the word about qardiology.com and sending our eqards to all of your fat little friends.

we have a lot of improvements planned for the site, and a bunch of new eqards guaranteed to make you laugh so hard you’ll leak juices from your assholes. juices from all your assholes.

i’m gonna tell you all a story on friday, it’s kinda long. are fridays a good day for stories?  come back then anyway and you’ll find out some of our exciting origin story.  also, just for the lulz, leave in the comments what celebrity’s face you’d like to see photoshopped onto a dinosaur.  i’ll put that up too.

we’ve made some changes to the site — but we’re not really done yet. it’s not as if we’d bring this into the world and then abandon it. we’re not cold, heartless, vicious sea turtles. we’ll keep making changes as we go, and we’ll keep listening to your feedback so long as it’s written in LOLcat speak.

by the way, we added advertising to the site. its minimal, and we designed it so that it shouldn’t get in your way. google adsense is supposed to be all “content based.” we’re sure it works better for a bloggier site than www.qardiology.com, because it’s not very good at figuring out where it is. it’s like the jew at the hiphop party who nobody likes but kind of puts up with mostly for the novelty of the situation (cough). but who are we to question the Oracle Google? maybe you guys really are interested in finding out “The True Meaning of Lent” and want to purchase a liturgical calendar so you can decide when to book your christian group tour vacation.

for the few of you who haven’t been into the site yet, but for some reason read this blog — we look forward to seeing you tomorrow on our official launch date.