Qardiology Blog

look, a 2 for 1 deal on the blog today. try not to pee yourself from the excitement…

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i just finished looking up what a “reach around” is on urban dictionary, and after i threw up, i realized it’s time for jared to start offering to pimp himself out. this time, i’ll pass. unless there is a large amount of money involved. and my student loans come do. and we’re in amsterdam. and you get screened for std’s, promise to love me forever, and buy me dinner. an expensive one. only then. but really i’d just slip you a rohypnol, take all of your money/valuables, go through your phone and text everyone that you ate poop and liked it, steal your identity, sell your sperm, and then bury you alive and jump up and down on your dirt grave. pervert.

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aside from new qards, qardiology is in the middle of an augmentation/face lift. we’re pulling a michael jackson and changing our colors. we hope you like it. we’re all about pleasing you. whatever it takes, jared is willing to do it. oh and since i mentioned mikey, i’ve decided i should also give him a makeover. michael jackson with owen wilson’s nose. tres hot. why i didn’t become a plastic surgeon instead of a lawyer is beyond me.